13 October, 2011


I live in Iowa. Small town Iowa, to be precise, and have lived essentially my whole life surrounded by corn and soybeans.

Corn whispers, did you know that? The leaves caress one another in the wind. Deep into a big, green, field it is quite possible to lose sense of direction since the corn gan grow well over most anyone's head (hint: follow the row, it'll end sooner or later, or listen for traffic and go that way) but, mostly it's pretty mindless to walk through a cornfield in high summer. Just wear a long sleeved shirt and pants, not shorts - I don't care how hot it is, wear the full-coverage clothes anyway. You'll thank me later. You'll be surrounded by green, emersed in it, swimming in it, and, other than the whispers and the wind, it's nearly silent there. Peaceful. Cut off from most everything. You can think in a green cornfield, like walking through a sensory deprivation chamber of green (unless you're wearing a tank top and shorts, in which case you'll be too scratched up and itchy to notice the peacefulness).


Anyone who has to call the cops for being lost, TWENTY FIVE FEET into a corn maze is crazy, stupid, or both. Twenty five feet. It's not that far. Four tallish guys put head to foot. TEN STEPS. Tops. And taking a cranky toddler and a newborn into an hour-long maze only highlights the idiocy. What? They couldn't simply turn around? Couldn't yell 'Hey! We need some help here!' Couldn't climb back up onto the platform they'd just crossed and look to see which way was the 15 feet to the entrance?

Nope. They called the cops.

I couldn't put this in a book. No one with any sense would believe it.


Krista Heiser said...

Thanks for the laugh. I can't believe they called the cops.

Tammy Jones said...

I can't either! And so CLOSE to the entrance. It's nuts!

Jean said...

Maybe they panicked. Corn mazes appeal to city folk, who don't get out in the country except for the rare Sunday drive and fall activities. That means what's obvious to us isn't necessarily obvious to them. Something like the linkage between the cute moo-cow they see on that same drive and the yummy steak they get in the restaurant or buy in the grocery store. They don't really have a concept except in the vaguest terms how the former becomes the latter.

Tammy Jones said...

Probably, But it was about ten steps from the entrance, not halfway into the maze. And there were signs.

I know some people find agriculture overwhelming and scary, but c'mon. It's further from my swinging kitchen door to my back door than they were from the entrance. And there were surely other options than call the cops.


Maripat said...

Oh...you mean they couldn't read the signs???? Sigh. Some folks scare me.

Yes, Jean, I understand they probably panicked but there were signs. Oy.

Anonymous said...

Peaceful - as long as you don't run into the children of the corn. Bwa-ha-ha-ha.