01 July, 2012

Chasing rainbows

The lovers, the dreamers, and me. :)
I've been out of sorts the past few weeks - oh, the chaos! - and I'm struggling to get myself back on to a reasonable schedule in a lot of areas.  One is blogging. I really enjoyed the blog challenges from earlier this year, and I'm jumping in again for July.

This month, though, I'm doing a Random Blogging Challenge, each entry prompted by a random topic generator my friend Jean suggested. (Jean's blogging all month too, so check her out!)

Anyway, todays topic, randomly generated today right after lunch, is Your Ever Changing Goal In Life.

Whoa. Talk about being publicly slammed with my own worries. Surreal.

So. Um. Goals. Life goals. Big goals. Plans, baby! What are your plans?

Frankly, I don't know and that's part of my 'flailing around in chaos and getting nowhere' problem. When I was young, my big life goal was getting the heck outta there, off to college and onto my own life. Did that, box checked, let's move on.

Got the funky-friendly house. Got the great marriage. Got the great kid. Got the health. Enough money. Enough time. Hell, I'm even published. Check, check, check, and a whole 'nother line of checks. I make quilts. check. Understand how to cook most everything (I still can't cook decent fish, but since I don't even like fish I can't see learning to as a 'life goal') so, check. Learned to like my hair. Check. Got the rosacea under control, check.

Frankly, most of those are 'little goals'. I mean, let's get serious for a moment, learning to love my curly mop wasn't exactly a metaphysical struggle.

What's next in the queue? Honestly, I don't know. Bill and I talk about it sometimes, how we've reached the point of 'this is enough'. We've climbed the summit of departing-poverty and are sitting here enjoying the view. Sure there are other big mountains out there - wealth, power, fame, what have you - but they don't interest either one of us. We don't care about stuff, it's just stuff. We don't care about money, once there's enough for bills and food then we're good there. And we are good there, truly.

There are things I'd like to do. I'd like to get back to writing productively for readers again, it is sort of my job after all. I'd like to get some sewing done this summer. I'd like to lose 20 lbs by Christmas. I'd like to be better at taking my vitamins. I'd like to finish sorting and organizing a mountain of miscellaneous papers I've been putting off sorting and organizing. I'd like to do lots of things, but none of them are life goals.

Again, I just don't know.

I suppose the closest thing, the most accurate goal I could articulate is I want to be happy. I want to like myself. I want to be less cynical, less grumpy, less prone to self loathing. I want to be thankful for all of the wonders I have and have accomplished.

You know, that actually sounds like a pretty good goal to have. :)

No comments: